Gunderslislik by Birth
By Berrybyrdie
Who said it was OKAY to mix spandex and fat in the same space? These pants must have been designed by a tall skinny blond who was still trying to be the lead cheerleader at thirty-something. I just know that they were not designed for a person like me with all my curves! When you break into a sweat trying to get your pants on there is one or two things going on...1-the pants are too small for the body or 2-your body is too big for the pants. Either way the fit is just not there. The pants having yellow happy faces on the rear pockets is just insult to injury disguised as being "cute". I am a Gunderslislik or more commonly known as a Will-O-Wisp. Since the most prominent part of my body does not need a "cute" smiley face" to map its location, plus I was now sweaty trying to form my flesh into the ridged confines of the pants-I reasoned that it would be a good time to tell Syracuse that I was too sick to play today.
Syracuse is my best friend and a Drowl. Her dark exotic looks are more pronounced beside my light pale appearance. I am her perfect foil. Plain looks and a plain name....that's me....Jane. But life is still good. My magic mirror often comments on my candlelight features. Sometimes in a positive light. He is a truth mirror with built in crack protection. I just did not know what type of cracks before I purchased him. Woe to me. But I did learn my lesson... RESEARCH BEFORE PURCHASE! His daily comments reinforces this hard learned lesson. I despise no return policies. Stripping the pants from my now clammy skin was a struggle in its self. It sure does feel good having circulation again. Funny what you do not appreciate until it is gone. Speaking of circulation I wonder if the daily paper has arrived yet. No news is not good news, especially when it comes to my paper. After I all Obituaries is what I do. Well that and then some...Last death day I had enough info to fill a hundred sheets front to back. I really did not think the shadow people would stop coming. I do not know if the increased numbers of shadow people is due to natural causes or that annoying Banshee Darby. She either has gone on strike or just wandered off on vacation without informing me. More to do equals more bucks later, at least enough to replace the torture pants now sharing happy faces with the kitchen trash! Thanks Darby!
With my paper tucked under my arm and a hot cup of coffee in hand it is time to settle down in my favorite chair and enjoy these two small pleasures...one would think. The ringing telephone reminded me of the one little detail I did not address this morning...Syracuse.
